Decoding the mind of an absent minded driver

My blackberry is vibrating. It is downloading new mails! But it has been only 5 minutes since I left home. Is it the same emails I checked from home? Damn Airtel! Why can't they synch up with my Blackberry faster?

All the recent emails were downloaded. I had checked before getting in the car! These are new emails! Whom did I piss off early in the morning? Is it my customer or my boss? The odds are even. They need to learn the art of breathing. Or is it art of living?

Let me turn up the radio. Good music. When are the commercials coming in? I love Rajni saaru, Charles and Banta Singh on this channel. But it is not as exciting as Sud on the NCR radio waves! Did Sud get married? He looks like a perpetual evergreen bachelor!

What has happened? The traffic is slowing! It has stopped completely! Should I quickly scan the subject lines of all the unread emails? Just to be sure? The traffic is moving again!

Sud and his hassi ke phunware! I miss Gurgaon. I don’t. I’m not sure. I love being here in Bangalore. At least, I love all the Karimeen fry and Karimeen Pollichathu. Of course, being near to the family!

South Indian food is adding to my waistline! Why don't I get time to exercise? Life has become so hectic! Life in Santa Clara and Pune were good. I went home durin lunchbreaks. Now, it seems to be a lifetime ago! I had to travel a lot then. But that was fun too.

What is happening with this mini-bus on the right? Is he coming closer to me? Do not invade my space. He IS coming closer. Should I steer to my left? How can I? They are 4 motorbikes on my left. Stop getting any more closer than it is.

Thanks buddy! Our vehicles are “hip”locked now. Thanks for the kind act so early in the morning. Should I pay for your kind act?

Can you hear me? You have to reverse your mini-bus. Can’t you understand Hindi? Why are you talking in Kannada? Speak in Hindi or English. Tamil is also okay. But don't expect me to talk in Tamil. I give you three options - English, Hindi or Malayalam. Pick one and I will use your choice of language to communicate to you.

Can’t you see we are "hip"locked? I can’t even get out of my car! You are on my right! How will I open the door. Pull back, you idiot! I can’t move my car forward or backward! Congratulations. You have jammed me.

Can you understand the words coming out of mouth? Can you feel my rage? I will go with hand actions. Yeah.. You move...BACKWARDS... REVERSE... REVERSE...

Are we blocking the traffic? Yes, we are! But, why are all these people honking? I am not moving unless this moron reverses his mini-bus.

Now, you are using your brains. So you are going past us in the narrow gap we have left on the two sides of the road.

But, you don't have to give me a dirty look! Why are you worried? You can move forward even though we are blocking half the road! Are you going to be late because of our “hip"lock? Serves you right!

The insurance! Do I have to shell out a bomb? The plastic versus the metallic clause on the damn insurance. Why are cars using plastic stuff? That way, the cars get cheaper and people like me can afford!

Finally, you understand me now! You are reversing. We are no longer "hip"locked. Wait. Let me check out the damage. No dents. But the paint on the door below my rearview mirror. A patch of paint is missing.

My blood pressure is rising up. I spent a fortune on this car for this moron to scrape the paint off it? Hey Mr!Pull your van over to the side. Let these honkers reach their cubicles on time(Let them be blessed with rejection or beratings based on the object they are pursuing!).

Now, let’s talk. It is surprising. You still haven’t learnt Hindi! English? No. What the hell are you talking in Kannada? No, I do not know Kannada. I didn't get time to study. Can't you see I have processing all these in mind? When did I get time?

You idiot! I do not understand Kannada. I should not leave him like this. Give me somebody who can speak Kannada! Eureka! My previous boss and good friend. He knows Kannada. Let me call him.

He has agreed to talk. Now, Mr Moron, you talk to my Kanndiga saviour. What are you talking to each other? Is he going to charge me? Hell with you. I’m going to beat you black and blue. Why are you talking for so long?

The guys in the car... They are still staring at us. Are you wondering what is happening here? I'm selling the road you are on and my potential buyer wanted to see if these were in perfect condition before giving me a quote. Are you happy? Or do you want to see the quote too?

Thank, God! Finally, you have stopped talking on the phone. My friend, what the hell is this moron talking?You mean.. it is difficult for the van driver to pay any kind of compensation. He did not have time to check. I was coming too fast. No way. I have never crossed 60 kmph. Well.. whatever… I’ll let it go. Very little damage. I will try to forget about it. Thanks man for taking the call.

Hey Mr, you go. If you can’t understand my words, look at my hand actions. DONE. GO.

Finally, I'm back in the car. It is so hot outside. Turn on the A/C. Turn on the radio. Which song is this? Well.. I kinda like it. The blood pressure and the breathing is back to normal. My blackberry is vibrating.


  1. Vunderfool.

    But are you sure you can communicate in Hindi? Well do you really think that the Hindi words which gets thrown out of your mouth can be captured and interpreted by others. I must say you are high on confidence.

  2. Awesome read!Finally u r becoming agood blogger ;)

  3. People will throw tomatoes on u for likin SUD..eeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwww

  4. @ Joydeep
    High on confidence and deception. I talked fast with liberal usage of "ka", "ko" & "ki". So, he thought I was talking Hindi. ;)

    @ Rakhee
    Sud da man. I'm ready to take tomotoes for Sud da man. :)

  5. Nice narrative! Was translating into malayalam as I read along and that version is so much funnier!

    Good stuff! Keep at it.

  6. @Sunil
    Never done a first-person narrative before. Glad you like it. Thanks. :)

  7. Well, I know how it is to do the balancing act on the bike, more so during the rainy season. A thought or two of the world from within the car, is definitely a value add. Unfortunate, the paint got scrapped off from the cars door. Hope it’s much better now, I mean the driving around experience in Bangalore. The guys under the helmet too have their own issues to think about... watch out for souls like them.


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