What matters?


Today, I listened to a friend pouring out his heart in distress! Being a good friend of mine, his predicament left an emotional imprint on me too. He has a girlfriend and they have been going around for more than a year. On many occasions, she has bailed him out of economic dire straits! On second thoughts, it is a very callous statement. To rephrase, she gifted him the expensive watch on his hand. The cell phone was also a gift! I will stop there.

Recently, they decided to take the relationship to the next step. Being a dutiful son and a daughter respectively, they decided to inform their parents. They intended to proceed through the “proper” channel. The girl’s parents were skeptical before relenting. The boy’s parents are still opposing the match on three grounds!

The first and the foremost came in the form of religion. They are both Hindus. But they belong to different sects!

The second is the horoscope or the kundli. The soothsayer was consulted and the fan in the room stopped working when he started on this task. Obviously, this was not a good omen! When comparing the horoscope, death is certain for one of them if the union is solemnized!

The third is the age factor. The girl is older by one year!

Right now, the boy’s parents are adamant and he has reasoned with them without success. The past six months has been a struggle for the boy. After coercing his parents logically, emotionally and stubbornly, he was able to get to the level of showing the girl’s photo to his parents!

Why do we give so much importance to religion, horoscope and age? Does this form a basis of a good marriage?

Picture Courtesy: www.dreamstime.com, www.landofflights.net, www.zmescience.com

Tags: Musings,Relationship,Religion,Horoscope,Age,Marriage


  1. Good is really so subjective. what constitute a good marriage for one might seem stifling for another. There is really no one rule for a good marraige. I think two people who get into this act defines the rules for themselves. I think the stress on same religion steams from the fact that it makes adjustment a shade easier in a relationship that is no means easy on it own. But that, does not mean that it should be used as a barrier. It all depends on the importance that two people assign to various factors in their relationship together and how well they can work together to balance their differences. If religion plays a big role in their lives then they would have to work out a common path/plan if religion is not same. Kundli, frankly makes no sense to me. It's just another thing that society has taken on to make life difficult for themselves. what about those who don't follow a kundli? does that mean that their happy marriage would suddenly go bad if they found out thier kundli does not match or vice versa? Age? well it's all in the mind.
    None of these has ever been important enough for me to impact my decision to be or not be with a person. I think what matters is the ability to talk to each other openly, respectfully and take decisions together logically and rationally.

  2. @colormesunshine- Thanks for dropping by.
    Good is subjective and I was inviting different views.

  3. hmm.. I told u so :-) We are still stuck on inter caste marriages. It's for the gen next to be economically independent and take their own decisions..

  4. God Bless them!! They say the marriages are made in heaven and celebrated in earth!!

    Congrats to your friend!!

  5. Religion, caste age etc do not make any dents in my mind but, the horoscope prediction, I am not sure.. I am not somebody who would take the initiative to go to an astrologer, but faced with such a prediction, I think I would rethink..cannot play with death.

  6. @JD - I read your comments on your blog after posting this! :) Yes, you are right! We are still stuck on intercaste marriages!

    @Swatantra - My dear friend is in anguish. Congratulations are a long way away! First he has to made up his mind

    @Sujata - You should always "buy" the astrologer in such cases! If in such a case where two people like each other, better to stay away from the astrologer. If this is a must for the family, you know "everything is fair in love and war"! :)

  7. Heartiest congratulations to your friend.I do not believe in astrology at all.But whatever happens God is there to look after everybody.Liked this post.

  8. My husband's cousin is married to a muslim woman who is 2 years older. They fortunately never consulted an astrologer.Their marriage is 15 years old and is still going strong.
    Religion, caste, age, horoscope...all played their roles when the marriages were arranged by parents, like mine was. But I guess we are moving away from it.

  9. @Babli- :) Congrtulations are far off. He is still busy negotiating with his parents!

    @Aparna-The astrology spoils the surprise in the future. Though I have to admit, in a certain phase of my life, I have gone to the astrologer. This was 10 years back!

  10. Honestly I really dont have any definitive stand on this one Nona. Actually I am quite guilty of supporting that on one count when I had been looking for a suitable girl - there was this girl who was working in Infy & I got some good feedback about her from her peer friends of mine there. Her parents had visited my place & were in consent to the proposal. But unfortunately I turned down the proposal as the girl had 'Moola' nakshatra & the astrologer (referred by my landlord)turned it down.

  11. From my experience, astrologers provide the work-around too :-) Spend some money and we have ways to bypass the certain peril


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