Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Are you pregnant?

This is most difficult question to ask a girl even though it may be for a noble cause. When I say noble cause, I refer to causes like offering a seat in the Metro. A couple of days back, I was walking with a friend when he turned his neck to check out a woman who passed by us. When his neck and subsequently attention returned to where there were previously, I raised my eyebrows. He had a simple explanation. I wanted to check if she was pregnant.

That did open up the Pandora's box. A simple post is not enough to address all that. But he admitted about being very nervous about offering a seat to a woman in the Metro even if she looked pregnant. His concern is simple. How do I know for sure? It will be embarrassing to ask if a girl is pregnant and it turns out to otherwise. So he keeps quiet and looks elsewhere. If she needs a seat, she will ask. Then my friend gracefully gets up to offer the seat.

I have a different solution for this problem. I see someone tired or in a need of a seat (a need more than my need), I get up to offer the seat. My friend used to do the same earlier until someone asked him why he was offering them the seat. What do I say to that?

Tags: Musings,Pregnant,Seat



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30 comments:

  1. You take a simple everyday event and give it to so much depth and yet there is humor in it!!! Hahahaha...

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    1. :) Thank you for the encouraging words.

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  2. Once an old lady scolded me when I offered he a seat !!!

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    1. Guess this is exactly why my friend is afraid to offer the seat. As for my take, you are offering to help. If the person doesn't need any help, we should enjoy sitting in the seat and stretching our legs. ;)

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  3. This is a dilemma for sure! I watch my brother opening doors for women - just out of habit - and they pass through without a thank you! Are they offended because a man opened a door for them, or just bad mannered? :)

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    1. I think it is bad manners. I have had a few of this kind of interaction myself. A thank you or a smile would suffix. :)

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  4. You nailed it here ! So impolite to ask. :)

    Offering a seat or as Corinne says opening a door for a woman are gestures which should be appreciated with at least a "Thank you".
    One the other hand I've seen people who bang the door on your face when they enter before you.

    Once I opened a door and as a courtesy held it for the next person. In Europe the next person would have thanked me & taken charge of the door for the person who was following him. But it was India. The whole line of people crossed the door without blinking and I was holding the door like a watchman ! I couldn't have banged the door on them. Could I?

    Oh this comment has touched a raw nerve, I'll definitely write a post on it. :)

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    1. :) I totally relate with you when you talk about the doorman. I have had this experience before. People tend to take these gestures as granted instead as a courtesy. But one word of advice, never stop doing it even if people are impolite. :)

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  5. Can get a bit tricky. But like you said, others' refusal of help shouldn't make us shy away from our basic instinct of offering to help!

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    1. :) Exactly my point. That was my advice to Nisha too.

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  6. I appreciate being offered a seat. If I do not want or need it I smile and say no thank you. On the other hand if someone asked if I am pregnant, I will consider it very rude.

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    1. You are a lady. That is what I expect from anyone if they do not need the seat. In fact, many people in the metro thank me for offering the seat, then tell me they are getting down at the next stop, so don't worry. That is very polite from their part.

      On the second part of the comment, that question should not be asked although I have asked it in once. During the Bastille day, there was a long queue outside WC. A pregnant lady went to the front of the queue (I had reached there after waiting for 45 minutes near Champs Elysees) and asked to use the WC. Everyone protested. She was heaving and walking slowly...I mean all signs of being pregnant. So I asked her and told the rest she was pregnant. As soon as everyone knew she was pregnant, they let her use the WC. :)

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  7. ...pregnant or not, ladies must be offered seats! Chivalry is not dead! (call me old fashioned I don't care:))

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    1. I would say "politeness is not dead". Seats should be offered to anyone in need. :)

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  8. oh! this is such a common occurrence..even when being offered a seat their is no politeness in the acceptance..this does prompt second thoughts but I guess our personal satisfaction should overrule other people's unkind manners.

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    1. Regardless of getting a nod or a thank-you, your action shows you have done the right thing. Actually, that is all we need. :)

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  9. Hi Nona! Viewing ur blog for the first time.. n I really liked this post (the first that I have read of all) even I feel if someone is in need more than ours he/she should be offered a seat.. but then it should apply to others as well naa in case we need a seat at That Moment?

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    1. Thanks for visiting. Do drop in whenever you get a chance. :)

      What did we learn? Believe in your actions. Not on the results. ;) Sometimes, you can't expect others to behave the way we do. :(

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  10. Great blog you got here.. :-) Really liked the post. A friend of mine was once asked by a stranger if she was in her first trimester.. Although it was funny to us, my friend felt really bad and decided to hit the gym.. :-)

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    1. :) At least, your friend was not angry at the person. That is nice.

      Thanks for visiting. Do drop in whenever you get a chance. I post frequently. It is good to have some traffic on the site. :)

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  11. Quite a dilemma but I think your friend is right. If a lady really is pregnant, she will ask for a seat herself. You can then be gracious and avoid being stuck in an awkward situation.

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    1. Everyone has a different opinion. I will still offer the seat if the other person needs it. :)

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  12. Kahani pregnancy ki!Have knowledge(Bidya)then get up. Happy Diwali!

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  13. Such a cute, thought-provoking post! :)
    Signs always suggest to offer full-tummied pregnant women the priority :) That way you know for sure!

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    1. :) he he. Reminds me of the movie "Horrible Bosses" where someone thinks his coworker is pregnant while she is not. :)

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  14. Haha indeed a tough guess, unless you got a pair of X-ray glasses to glimpse at the fetal skeleton inside :-)
    BTW unless I need a seat I usually prefer standing when it's not a long journey to let others use the facility, specially in Metro...

    Regards,
    Anunoy Samanta
    -------------------------------
    http://just4suzan.blogspot.com

    http://imakemytrip.blogspot.com

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  15. I always offer seats to those I think need it and also have no qualms about asking people sitting on seats reserved for the elderly or the disabled get up when a senior citizen is standing.

    But once on the London Tube, I offered my seat to an elderly lady and got my head chewed off for asking. By the time she finished with me, I was almost in tears !

    I still offer seats these days, but always cross my fingers while doing so :-)

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    1. I offer my seats but I have never asked someone else to offer their seats. I guess that is where I draw a line about my civic responsibilities. :)

      I am sorry to hear about your bad experience. You may call me lucky. I never had to encounter such a situation till now.

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