Your response and how you respond are both equally important.

"The bed is his favorite place. As soon as he comes back home, he goes to the bedroom and lays there." It was a friend's wife complaining to us about my friend. Although she was complaining, her tone contained a strange unmistakable mix of love, affection and resignation. If her tone wasn't enough to amuse me, the zen-like smile on my friend's face could have done the trick. For me, the tone of her voice and the smile on his face provided the double bonanza.

On one hand, I understand the yearning for doing nothing after a hard day's work. Sometimes, work can be so tiresome that it drains your last ounce of energy. At the same time, communication is important in any relation. I chanced upon an article titled "Masters of Love" a couple of days after the incident. The article talks about a lot of things. What caught my attention is the way the author has divided our responses (to our partners) into four different types - passive destructive, active destructive, passive constructive and active constructive. The author also gives an example of each.

One glance at the classification and it's example, I need no soul searching to conclude I am guilty on several occasions. In fact, I still continue to make these mistakes. But learning about it from a third person helps me to at least strive for correcting it. Another interesting aspect of this classification is that you can use it not only personal relationships but also in professional relationships. 

Do you what is more interesting? Most of my friends are married to people who are diametrically opposite to them in temperament. Despite making all the mistakes mentioned in the article, their marriages still work!

Tags: Musings,Marriage,Communication


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